This girl tries to let very few things bother her too much these days. Not that she’s unbothered about everything; but she’s learning to pick her battles better these days. Its really the least that she can do since she’s juggling far too many things on her plate right now. Why, just the other day, Miss Pedantic and her sat down and wrote up her very long to do list. A tiny glimpse: She’s got deadlines pretty much every other day. One of the items on that list is to get a corporate website up and running; and she’s clean forgotten how to do so on her mac. So there.

Having spent the last year in some sort of drama-mama spiral of events, she was deeply grateful that she got her time off to “sort her soul out.” It was an important period in her life, really. So, she off loads every once in a while: she goes for golf lessons where her coach snips at her overwhacking her balls; she makes The Boy cook her her favourite dishes (she helps out); she plays the Wii and makes a fool of herself at her dismal (with a capital D) tennis skills; she buys books and magazines that she litters all over the place and all the other good stuff.

This girl has never really understood a house with brilliant windows and the owners keeping them shut all the time: windows are meant to be opened.

And this girl is letting her soul breathe.

Mr. Toe Socks, who is the president of the This Girl Fan Club, is on his way over here!

This girl is so thrilled to have him visit all the way from far flung Uganda. He’s indicated that he would like to sit this girl down for a “serious talk” about his disapproval at her grad school decision. And his desire to eat at all the “funky local food places” he’s read of in some New Yorker thing. Oh, and this girl has to take him to “all the cool and weird local places, however far flung.”

This girl has had a great time planning his travel itinerary. Yay!

The fact that this girl has not been able to post much is a testament to how busy she has been. With what exactly, she’s finding it a little hard to pin point- cos its pretty much a myriad of things that seems to eating away at her time, physical resources and her energy.

Not that she’s unhappy. She’s in a pretty good place right now, just a tad more tied up than she’d like to be. But such is the case when she decided to head back to work, one supposes. Its probably the incessant running around and zipping into this meeting and managing that project that is weighing her down physically somewhat. Miss Pedantic will attest to this girl’s random blitzing in and out of the office.

Case in point: few days back, this girl and the boy were bound for the golf range and she lay down for a cat nap at 2030hrs and slept solidly past all their plans. She was out like a light. Its been like that alot lately.

Ah well…

One of the more fun things this girl has on her plate these days is her foray back into golf. The Father and The Mother already play regularly, The Boy plays too, and The Prefect has recently also gotten into it. And so, for this girl’s birthday this year, they are all going to arrange a Birthday game. Its a pity The Princess and The Pea won’t be playing- they will only pick the game up at a later date: Bummer.

Anyway, she’s taken out her oh-so-dusty clubs and she’s back at the range with regular lessons and practice sessions in preparation for her PC Test in lieu of the Big Birthday Game. She’s got about two months which her coach says is enough time if she is diligent with her practice; so The Boy and this girl are trying to get to the range at least three times a week.

With this and her upcoming resuming of French classes- she’d be one happy camper! Yay!

With The House under renovations, the girls have all decided to run far, far away.

This girl has been holed up The Boy’s place and for his birthday decided to take them both to Siam Reap to go walk about the ancient Angkor Wat. They’ve always wanted to visit the place, so a birthday getaway seems as good enough a reason as any other. They stayed at the lovely, lovely De la Paix Hotel (see their webpage here) and ate their way through far too many courses; including an evening at the Amansara, a hotel converted from the former King’s house. They had a whale of a time, mainly just visiting and walking about the small town and came back, unwillingly, to face their normal, not-on-holiday life.

The Princess and The Pea are off to Phuket- and other fun beach places for a week. The Princess has recently, and finally, graduated from University so she’s off for her long awaited, much deserved post formal school break. After all, when she comes back and starts on the next chapter in her life, it’d be a whole new ball game time wise for her.

The Prefect is by far the coolest. She’s off with her school- this girl’s alma mater too- on a school trip to Germany. Just a few days back, she made this girl and the boy oh-so-jealous with a photo she sent of herself at the Hockenheim F1 track. She even got to tour the BMW factory and see all sorts of cool places. When she last checked in with this girl, she was off to Berlin; probably to see the monuments of the holocaust.

The Mother, is understandably a little out of her element. For one, her house- which is in bit parts now with the hacking, anyway- has never been empty of ALL of her daughters before. The Father has been calling more than usual as well, since this girl is the only one of her sisters in town at the moment. Heh.

For those of you that know this girl, you’d know that she usually sleeps late and rouses just as late. It is not uncommon to find her alive, awake and hyperactive at the wee hours of the morning. She’s the late night supper girl. She’s the one that goes to the 24hr Indian Shopping Mall with Paddle Boy or Ninja because they have nothing better to do. She’s often, if she’s home, found reading or pottering around her room. Or online chatting with her friends. Then, at about three or four, she finally heads off to bed, sleeping in till almost noon, mainly rousing when her body tells her its clocked enough sleep, or because she’s off to a lunch gig, more often than not with Smartest Friend and Hot Babe. Or, she continues to potter around the house, entertaining The Mother and whichever sister is home, usually The Princess. If she is really lazy, this girl will simply read the whole day away.

Its a life she’s grown accustomed to over the last eight months: late to bed and late to rouse. Her friends know that if they send her a message or email in the morning, they can only expect a reply much later into the day. And since she’s one of the few people that actually switches her phone to silent mode when she heads off to bed, she rarely takes calls too, till way into the morning. She figured that anyone urgently looking for her will know how to contact her at home or via one of the family members that will wake her.

Now, over the last month or so, The Father has embarked on a very ambitious project to renovate their place. Its a massive undertaking with a lot of earth being shifted all over the place. Then, there’s the re-laying of floor tiles and re-doing the upper floorings. This is in addition to the fact that she needs to overhaul her room due to the flooding that occurred while this girl was away. Her room, in fact, has a mild mildew miasma that lingers in the air, her wooden floor is warped and her mattress and pillows all need replacement. Don’t even get her started on the slightly spoiled wardrobe and other bits of furniture. All this, and the constant cement dust that is in the air, with dust and dirt all over the place that wrecks havoc on this girl’s sensitive skin: think rashes. Oh, and not to mention the hacking, pounding and scrapings on top of the troops of people that are in and out of the place pretty much everyday.

Gratefully, this girl has been shipped off to stay at The Boy’s place, since her skin has the tendency to rash out and act up with the given situation at home. The Princess and The prefect are out at school- or simply out- these days. The Father is at work. How The Mother and The Maid deals with it, is beyond her.

Anyway, since she’s been at The Boy’s and since she’s sort-of started work again, she’s had her usual sleep cycle spun on its head. These days, she’s up by half past seven, out and about by (latest) nine and, get this, is tired out by eleven. Not only is The Boy a early riser and an early sleeper, he’s pretty much got her to sync with his sleep timings! To the point where she’s not made it past midnight this whole entire week, and she doesn’t take naps in between, has to carefully arrange lunch with her usual friends and get this, does a whole lot of work in between in- get ready for this- a office type setting.

Oh the horror!

And the totally warped thing is this: she’s beginning to find this new sleep timings quite up her alley!

Oh! The HORROR!

The Boy and this girl were out pottering around the other day and came across a shop that offered the service to take a picture of their auras.

In parapsychology and many forms of spirituality an aura is a field of subtle, luminous radiation surrounding a person or object like the halo or aureola of religious art. An aura may be held to reflect the moods or thoughts of the person it surrounds, and depiction of such an aura in religious art usually connotes a person of particular power or holiness. (Read more here and here.)

So, after letting the sales girl fuss over them for a bit, this girl and The Boy lined themselves up for a aura photo to great hilarity. Her photo was pretty much all purple, with a tinge of blue and diagnosis all around- meaning, at every chakra- was the notions of spirituality (a lot of it), peace and healing. In contrast, The Boy’s was yellow, orange, gold, with hints of red; meaning he’s mainly full of energy, creativity and enthusiasm. Which, the girl was quick to add made for good complementary, one to another. She did warn him not to try to lie to this girl since she, apparently, had the “in” with the divine plane.

This girl is including a little write up on the colours here.

Orange symbolizes the individual’s relationship to the external world, the needs and wants of the physical body and the ways in which these are satisfied, the world of work. In healing orange may increase immunity and sexual energy. In the aura orange signifies thoughtfulness and creativity.

Yellow symbolizes intellect, creativity, happiness and the power of persuasion. It is also associated with cowardice. In healing use yellow to promote clarity of thought. In the aura yellow signifies intellectual development, for either material or spiritual ends.

Green symbolizes money, luck, prosperity, vitality and fertility. It is also associated with envy. Green is the color of healing; it is beneficial in all healing situations. In the aura green signifies balance, peace and often indicates ability as a healer.

Blue is the color of spirituality, intuition, inspiration and inner peace. It is also associated with sadness and depression (the “blues”). In healing blue is used for cooling and calming, both physically and mentally. In the aura blue indicates serenity, contentment and spiritual development.

Indigo is associated with psychic ability. In healing, use indigo for relaxation, reassurance and promoting psychism. In the aura indigo signifies a seeker, often of spiritual truth.

Purple is associated with power, both earthly and spiritual. In healing, purple is used for mental disorders and also for becoming one with Spirit. In the aura purple signifies higher spiritual development.

White is associated with truth, purity, cleansing, healing and protection. It is a good general healing color for the removal of pain and suffering. In the aura it signifies a high level of attainment, a higher level soul incarnate to help others.

Gold represents understanding and luck. Remember though that nothing comes from nothing, It is the most powerful healing color, but so powerful that many are not able to stand it initially and must be conditioned to it via other colors. In the aura it represents service to others.

Pink represents unconditional love, love requiring nothing in return. It is also the color of friendship and conviviality. In the aura it signifies balance between the spiritual and the material.

Brown is the color of the earth and represents practicality, material success, concentration and study. In the aura it indicates “down to earth-ness” and common sense.

Black is the absence of color. It represents the unconscious and mystery. Its visualization can help promote deep meditation. Black also stands for evil (eg black magic). In the aura it signifies some kind of blockage or something being hidden.

There the those they call the monophobes. You know, the people that cannot stand being alone. They won’t eat by themselves, they can’t shop by themselves, they don’t like being left alone in the house. They detest attending functions alone and tend to drag a friend along with them when the occasion permits. When all else fails, they are perpetually on the phone when left to mind themselves for a while. And, of course, heaven forbid they are stranded without anything to do on a Saturday night!

Then, you have the mono-okayers.  Those that crave- and even thrive- being by themselves. They prefer sitting quietly in the corner reading by themselves, they get more done working alone, they are more productive shopping solo and are perfectly at ease having to attend a function on their own. They mostly figure they’d make small talk with the next bloke- who might also be there alone; or at worse, they could sit, nurse a drink, amused at the social going-ons, observing what would surely be the social mating game.

This girl happens to fall into the latter criteria. When she used to work in a bigger, more crowded organization, she’d sneak out for solo lunches. A situation made worse given she spent hours each day in front of hundreds of people. When she ran The Company, she’d hide in the downstairs study by herself, choosing to do most of her work there. She does far too much damage on her plastics when she shops by herself and has been known to wile the hours away in her own company. In fact, The Mother used to have to come and forcibly drag her out of her room which became her refuge in a house of seven boisterous people and five exuberant dogs.

And even as she writes this, holed up in the corner of The Boy’s office as they each try to finish up their ends of an impending project they are partnering on (its purely for fun, though its part business too), she sits alone. Quiet. Almost silent; save for the printers incessant whirl echoing the palpablity of her thoughts. There is the clakering of The Boy packing stuff up and walking in and out of their current shared space, but she chooses to sit; almost without moving (cross legged in the swivel chair), letting the exploding rush of project dates, the flurry of deadlines and the annoying hustle of a mounting to do list fade into the background.

As she chooses, right at this moment, to stand alone.

Just for a while.

Its been a while since this girl was this busy. Usually, she gets to wake up late and do whatever tickles her fancy. She gets a nails done, she reads, she potters around the house chatting with The Mother, she meets her friends for lunch, coffee or tea. Once in a while, she meets clients, does projects (read: work) and makes enough to maintain her slacker-jack lifestyle without eating into savings. Its not the best way to live, but its not the worst way to live either. But she did work very hard for the last few years and does have enough shored up for her to take it a little slower for a while. She likes to think she’s earned it.

Of late, with her decision to not go to grad school and her taking the step back into the foray of work, she’s been back to being busier than ever. She blitz in and out of the office, has back-to-back stacked meetings, has projects and consults that are all coming to a head at the same time and poor Miss Pedantic has to accommodate this girl’s insane lifestyle. This is on top of Miss Pedantic having had the biggest scare in her life being one of those who were holidaying in Sichuan when the quake hit. (Side bar: This girl is so happy you are back safe, Miss P.)

And amidst this girl’s sudden busyness and her sudden feeling of isolation with her not being able to be as in touch with her friends as she would like to be, she gets a message from Green Bra that says, “you’re waaay too busy love! some of us are having withdrawal symptoms!

This, my darlings, is why you can never replace amazing girlfriends.

There has been a lot to digest these past few weeks since there has been a lot happening. There’s the cyclone in Burma which is awfully distressing to hear about. And then there’s the latest earthquake in China. And while China seems to have gotten- or at least, are getting- their act together, the same can’t be said for Burma.

When the thing hit, this girl spent much of her time, valiantly, trying to get through to her friends over there. She got a dial tone and had to settle for calling their family and friends based locally. She finally did manage to speak to her closer friends after a few days when telecommunication lines were restored a little to hear stories of fear, close shaves and the disaster up close and personal. It took every ounce of her self control to not want to break down at the breakfast table; she was having breakfast with The Boy’s family and didn’t think it was ultimately polite to collapse into an emotional heap.

Thankfully, the children at the orphanage she volunteers at are all safe. The home lost their roof, but, that’s all under control. All her close friends are all accounted for and though many are very upset and lost, are all ok and that’s really all she can ask for. Its still hard to get through to her friends and that in itself is rather upsetting. The PhD has gone back to aid the situation and this girl (and Smartest Friend) are worried for his safety; and more importantly, his emotional (many of his friends were affected) and physical (he had just come out of a kidney stone surgery) state.

So, once again, twice in under a year, this girl holds her breath for The Other Land.

Please pray with her.

This girl and the boy are back from their Hong Kong shopping spree. They ate a lot, laughed a lot, probably put on far too much weight, wrecked havoc on their credit cards and had a great time. Macau was fun too, not that this girl really gambled. She did play a few rounds of Casino Wars (basically, dealer and player gets one card each and the person with the bigger card won. Its not the cleverest of games, she knows.) and won a little much to her amusement. The Boy was far more adventurous and won far more than this girl.

There is little, really, to write about their time in Hong Kong and people that ask them how it went, basically got the usual spiel of good food and their fervent raves about the great Wagyu beef they had at the Venetian (a totally over the top casino that recreates the streets of Venice, complete with a fully functioning lagoon, a replica of the bridge of sighs and gondolas with singing boatmen) as well as their great shopping buys and the fact that this girl walked out of Kate Spade with- are you ready for it- SIX new bags. Two were for The Mother (birthday and mother’s day), one was for The Princess, one was a gift from The Boy and two were to tide her over her great distress over her room.

You see, three days before this girl was due back her toilet pipe had burst unceremoniously flooding her room. Her room is split level with the toilet located on the lower floor on the inner side of the room. Meaning, she essentially had a little wading pool, since it was a while before The Princess managed to figure out what was happening and go to the rescue. She rescued Jake (the Big Baby Taylor) mainly, since the TV was (thankfully) out of the spray and the bed (that sits on the floor) was far too gone. So you can see why she needed a new bag (ok, two) to make her feel better.

In any case, this girl’s house is under majorish renovations so she’s been displaced. Its a dusty, noisy situation that is rather distressing for her to deal with on a day to day basis. How The Maid and the Dogs deal with the incessant cement dust, scrapings, drillings, and in flux of people all day is beyond her. And now, she’s got to deal with how to re-do her room.

Its been a mad rush of a last week with too many projects all coming to a head for this girl. There was the consult paper she had to write for the MNC and the training stint she had to do for the other tertiary education institution. And, oh, there was her setting up of another company (The Inc.)- though this time, this one should only be for her freelance work purposes. So along with that came the bank matters, the government filing matters and all the other operational, logistical shindigs. Then, came the installation of her latest part-time staff (Miss Pedantic) who was unceremoniously handed her huge to-do project list. And, needless to say, the other million projects she’s gettng her feet- though some would argue, her entire being- wet.

Its been a busy week, reminising of the time she was starting The Company; only this time round, its purely on her terms and she’s not running it to the same extent or degree. Then again, as she tells The Boy, she’s finding it hard- almost against instinct- to not want to grow the business. But for now, she’s busy growing other people’s businesses so, its entertaining her mind and feeding that business part of her.

And so, amidst the many new things that this girl finds her self preoccupied with, the boy decides to whisk this girl off to Macau and Hong Kong for a week of fun and frivolities. (The boy needs the break from his own huge and overflowing plate.) And much as this girl would love to say, “she needs this break” because she is “oh so busy;” it seems almost wrong given she’s spent the better part of the last year traveling to all sorts of places.

But, yes, be jealous, this girl is on a break. Again.

Heh.

Over the years, Smelly Melly and this girl seem to have developed a code to signal each other on their need for a listening ear. Most times when either calls the other, they start with a nursery rhyme and the other person, in grand spy fashion, will reply with the second line of a separate rhyme. For example, Smelly Melly will call and say, “Baa baa black sheep” and this girl might reply with, “How I wonder what you are?” Its an ongoing game that they play that amuses them endlessly since, despite their pact to not use those two rhymes, (Baa Baa Black Sheep and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star), and use other rhymes (they have tried “Humpty Dumpty sat on the Wall” - ” Eating her curds and whey” to great hilarity), but that doesn’t quite happen so often.

Anyway, while most of their calls to each other are about the mundane day to day matters of love and life, they also do have their moments of “distress calls”. And they usually start like this, “Hey babe, do you have five minutes?” The voice is usually slightly sombre, on occasion tinged with a muted sigh or sob. The tone is soft and oddly heavy. There is an echo that reverberates through that speaks of a honest, open vulnerability, laid bare for the other to see. This is their way of calling for help, asking the other person to be the other’s container, the voice of reason and hope and, at the heart of it all, a manner of a life line to the soul.

Vulnerability leaves many of us deeply uncomfortable. We often mistake emotional openness- people who wear their heart on their sleeves- with a person comfortable with vulnerability. And while that is fair to say i some respect, vulnerability- this girl believes- comes from a place deep within. It is a stripped-bare moment and with the understanding that there is a high possibility of judgment coupled with the willingness to lay one’s heart, spirit and sometimes soul at another’s feet and believing, no, hoping- sometimes with more than just the slightest holding of breath- that the other person will gently, and loving mend it.

It takes a lot of courage for a person to be truly vulnerable. It takes a great deal more for a strong person, unused to leaning on anything for a crutch, or, for that matter, asking for help at all to fully let themselves be laid bare. It has got nothing to do with how much you love a person, for have we not seen couples deeply in love not honestly share their fears, secrets, and, wait for it, inner vulnerabilities. Some of us are so used to having to hold it all together, used to always having all the answers, used to keeping everything in our lives in check, dotting our i’s and crossing our t’s, successfully lining all our ducks in a row. We are so used to doing and having it all that when it comes to being vulnerable, we fail.

To be honest, this girl is rarely vulnerable. She’s worked through most of her issues- yes, most, not all; she still has some issues to deal with- and her open book life means that she carries with her very little baggage. But in the quiet moments when life still becomes a tad more than she cares to carry on her tiny shoulders; in the dead of the night when small, insidious whispers can hasten into a hailing scream; in the ensuing dramatic hailstorm that is her life; this girl allows herself to be vulnerable with the select one or two people close to her. Most times, this girl doesn’t even say very much. Neither does she need loads of advice or life directions. Most times, this girl knows the score and knows what she needs to do.

All she truly needs, is for someone to be that safe space to allow her to simply be vulnerable. And for those that have given her that- you know who you are- she is infinitely blessed.

If you have been following this girl’s grad school journey, you’d know that she’s been having second thoughts about it. Last week, she sent an email out to the people that she loves telling them of her decisions. She’s reproducing it here:

Dear People that This girl loves,

Hello everyone.
Its taken This girl a long time to write this email, but she finally able to do it. So, here goes… Some of you would already know that she has been rethinking her decision to go off to graduate school.

The reasons are simple:
One, This girl has realized that she’s really rather unable to work for someone else, or under someone else. This includes the UN. If you’d think back, the big impetus for going to grad school was because working with the UN meant needing a masters. It was a means to an end. And it follows, thus, that if she was not going to work for the UN after all, why is she even going off to grad school?

Two, This girl has realized that she does love this semi-relaxed life she’s leading. She gets to do freelance work of her choosing, NGO/NPO work when the opportunity arises and other interesting projects that seem to keep her plate rather full in the past few months. She’s truly having the time of her life. She knows that even if she heads off to grad school these many cool things would still be around when she gets back; but grad school no longer holds the same appeal in light of the career and life opportunities from this new vantage point.

Three, This girl has realized that if she went to grad school it was because she can. Think Sir Edmund Hilary climbing Everest because its there. It, in itself, is a fine- and some would argue, reasonable- argument to go off to grad school. But its simply not enough.

So, yes, This girl is not going to go to graduate school. By the time you read this, she’d have replied all the schools to inform them of her decision and she’s very at peace with her decision; even with the knowledge that she might never get to go to Fletcher or any other school in the future. Its another chapter she’s closing- although, she’s gotta add, that this chapter was one of much excitement and alot of “I told you so!s”

To be fair, this whole endeavor has been a real blessing in disguise. Without this grad school shindig, This girl would never have been able to get the kind of rest she needed given the very eventful 2007 she’s had. She had time to heal, to grow, to take stock, to focus on herself and she finds herself at the end of it all a complete person. Whole in a way she has never really been before. A good fthis girlnd of hers told her that life had to be led with a “seriousness of purpose” and she thinks that she’s finally understanding what that means.

This girl would like to take this chance to thank you all for all the love, encouragement and support you have all shown her in the months (and in some of your cases, years) past. Many of you have been an absolute rock in this drama-mama life that she leads. Most notably, her family whom she loves and adores greatly. To good fthis girlnds who kept her sane, kept her on point and kept her best interest at heart at all time- thank you. To the three people that she bullied into writing her recommendation letters (you know who you are), she’s really grateful you had such great faith in her, her abilities and her potential. You each have a big dinner treat waiting for you. To Smartest Friend, sorry you’d have to make this journey on your own, but know that This girl is rooting for you with her heart, mind and soul. To everyone else, big hugs and big love all round.

This girl loves you all loads.
Hugs, love and God’s richest blessings,

This girl.

When this girl was working for The First Company (the first organization she worked for) she met The Monk- who, of course, wasn’t a monk then, but was, quite simply, another close friend. He was a great guy, a funny guy with a sense of humour and the biggest heart you could imagine in a bear of a man. Smart, earnest, generous; he was the epitome of everyone’s favourite uncle, everyone’s best buddy. He was the rock many leaned on, the one who would never judge you for the stupid things that you’d do and the one who would stay back, without anyone asking, to clean up, long after.

Yes, he was that guy.

A few years ago, this said friend gave up his high powered job in a high powered firm for the saffron robe. He entered a Thai monastery for what would be a short stint as a monk, only to find that new life so fulfilling, three years on, he has no plans to return to the world of corporate back biting and the ugly rat race. Though, seriously, who can blame him?

A few days ago, The Monk dropped by- a rare appearance from his forest monastery and this girl and The Boy went by for a visit with Kungfu Master, Aunty B and Monkey God. The monastery was a surreal space of zen quietness echoing with the humming of an ancient- albeit a little foreign- peace. Hushed voices, slightly bowed heads and the odd snatches of incense that at the same time pinched the senses and clouded the mind. And so, half sitting, half kneeling- because this girl didn’t quite know how to sit without her feet pointing to The Monk (it’s considered rude and inappropriate)- she sat in respectful reverence for her old friend.

He was half the size the last time this girl met him, and twice the person. He had the same smile, the same vocal inflections and the same sparkle in his eyes. He spoke with the same ease, as though it was only yesterday they had last met; and shared with the wisdom of a man who seemed to have lived three lifetimes over.

“When you reach a stage in life, ” he said, “You come to the realization that there are only three real states of being: Coming. Going. Staying.”

“Then, ” he continues, “You reach the next stage in life and you realize there are really only two real states of being: Coming. Going.”

“Finally, ” he enthused with the innocence of a sage and the wisdom of the child, “You reach the final stage in life and you realize, actually, there’s only one state of being: Coming and going. “

This girl didn’t quite understand, but it was a cool ass piece of advice.